Hey loves! So when I posted my last piece at the end of 2019, I did say that one of my goals was to be more open about my life and experiences. That being said, last year was one that changed my life in a very big way. I became pregnant for the first time and now have a 3-month-old son, Lukas. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking that this is a joke, but it is in fact true and a part of the reason I’ve been scarce here.
I decided to keep my pregnancy extremely low-key and I didn’t tell many people. It was only when I didn’t look like my usual slim self that it was revealed to many in the real world. My decision to keep this experience away from social media and most of the people that know me while it was unfolding was two-fold. The first reason is it became very personal, meaning I wanted the moment to be mine and fully immerse myself in it. The other reason was there was the possibility that not everyone I knew would have been happy for me and that’s a sad statement in itself but it’s true. The fewer people know sometimes, the better.
I never knew for sure that I’d be someone’s mom. I mean I’ve thought about it, but I was never sure if it would actually happen. I questioned whether I was mentally ready to take care of another human being. I also had less-than-optimistic thoughts about finding someone I felt comfortable having a child with. There’s also the biological aspect of things – having the ability to actually conceive and carry a child to full-term. This is something a lot of women take for granted when it does happen though not all women are able to get pregnant, much less give birth to a healthy baby.
Overall, my pregnancy was good as I didn’t suffer from any morning sickness or have any nausea at all. I ate pretty much anything I wanted, except in the beginning when I had a sushi craving that I gave in to that made me feel sick to my stomach afterwards. Also, for a short period, coffee became the enemy. I’m glad that was short lived. Other than that, I was fine. I am pretty tall, so I didn’t show much until close to my third trimester. I gained a total of 33 lbs. and I fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothing. I had to, however, abandon my dress pants and jeans as I gained weight in the lower half of my body. I made the decision to work until I was 7 months pregnant as I didn’t want to pressure myself and work right up until I was due to give birth. I didn’t have a baby shower and that was by choice – I really didn’t see the point of doing so, especially with most of my close friends being overseas. I gave birth 3 days before my estimated due date and I ended up having an C-section as I wasn’t dilating quickly enough. The doctors didn’t want to put me or the baby under any more stress after being in labor for a whopping 33 hours. When he finally came out, it was actually a surprise to me (and to everyone else eventually), as I was told at my 20-week ultrasound that I was having a girl. I thought I would have been more disturbed and upset about this, but due to exhaustion and being happy that everything was over, my mind adjusted fairly quickly to this new and unexpected turn of events. In addition to that, I was just happy that he was finally here and healthy. My son’s father and I had the daunting task, however, of coming up with a name for the baby, and I only had a day to do so. I can recall messaging my sister and close girlfriends to help with picking a name, as I already had a girl’s name picked out from as far back as before that inaccurate ultrasound and had not given any thought to boys’ names since. We eventually agreed on Lukas and the rest is history.
The last few months since my son’s birth have been quite the learning experience. It’s entailed a lot of sleepless nights, nurturing and caring for the new love of my life. Patience is a characteristic that I’m now mastering despite struggling to exhibit it for my entire life. I haven’t lost all my baby weight yet – I have 15 lbs. that refuse to go, but when I’ve adjusted more to my new life, I will be working it off. I’ve had the support of my family and close friends and it’s helped make this new experience easier. I continue to take things one day at a time.
Though I decided against having a baby shower, I did opt to have a good photographer friend of mine take maternity photos to capture this special moment in my life, which I’ve added for your viewing pleasure. I was almost 8 months pregnant in these photos. Because I’m a new mommy now, I will be posting mommy content and carrying you all along with me during this new chapter in my life. So until next time. Xoxo.